Over the past few years, “Archer” has been making the perverts of the world giggle and cheer. Set in New York for its first six seasons, Agent Sterling Archer (voiced by H. Jon Benjamin) demands viewers’ attentions with clever one-liners and by saving the day, kind of.
“Archer” has corrupted its audiences since the initial pilot, so it’s unsurprising that the seventh season continues this trend with Archer’s coworkers from ISIS (not that ISIS), including the significantly more competent Lana Kane (Aisha Tyler), the significantly more inept Cyril Figgis (Chris Parnell), gay cyborg Ray Gillette (Adam Reed), scientist Algernop Krieger (Lucky Yates), millionaire heiress receptionist Cheryl Tunt (Judy Greer), human resources director Pam Poovey (Amber Nash) and mother/boss Malory Archer (Jessica Walter).
For its seventh season, members of the “Archer” cast find themselves stranded in Los Angeles, forcibly retired from their botched careers as secret agents and starting new careers as private detectives within the Figgis Agency. Classic “Archer” shenanigans ensue when they are solicited by legendary actress Veronica Deane to steal back a disk with “sensitive information.”
This new side of “Archer” fits the Hollywood vibe perfectly. The presentation in this new season adds a lot of flavor to the series, with more polished animation and nifty cutouts before commercial breaks.
In honor of tonight’s premiere of season seven, here are the top 9 quotes of the premiere episode. Only “Archer” could fit so many quality quotes into just 20 minutes.
1. “Truly inspiring, Cyril. It’s like Patton and Churchill had a baby … with just a hint of Oscar Wilde.” – Malory Archer
Literary and history buffs, rejoice. Malory Archer delivers.
2. “No, I’m fine here. I want to see how you crack the big case, Mancy Drew.” – Malory Archer
With a great reference to the season one episode, “Skytanic,” Walter’s fluency in sarcasm returns.
3. “I don’t know. The warranty’s in Italian.” – Sterling Archer
Pro tip: unless you read Italian, don’t buy a car with a warranty in Italian.
4. “He’s going to be busy flying around looking for your battered corpses only to find out later that all the coyotes left was a pile of titanium gears and a shitty weave.” – Sterling Archer
This quote requires quite a lot of explanation and the only logical course of action is for you binge-watch the first six seasons of “Archer” to fully understand it.
5. Gillette: “Rimshot!”
Kane: “That would be a good porn name.”
Gillette: “Mine would be ‘Lance Biggerstaff.’.”
Kane: “I’m picturing a gay wizard.”
Gillette: “I always am.”
Me too, Gillette. Me too.
6. “Why didn’t you tell us you were bleeding like a Russian princess?” – Kane
Sometimes you don’t need to comment. Or it’s just infinitely better if you choose not to.
7. Malory Archer: “Who’s celebrating? We’re out of liquor, but I admit I’m cautiously optimistic.
Figgis: “Because out here you can buy liquor at the grocery store.”
Archer: “Literally the only thing about Los Angeles that doesn’t make me want to vomit.”
You can’t buy booze from grocery stores in New England? Well, you learn something new every day.
8. Tunt: “Well I think it’s safe to assume he doesn’t eat shellfish.”
Cast: *Dissenting cries*
Sterling Archer: “The fact that he’s a Hollywood lawyer doesn’t automatically make him Jewish.”
Tunt: “Ew, he’s Jewish?!”
Sterling Archer: “Probably, but that’s not the point.”
Gillette: “You can’t say shit like that!”
Figgis: “Wait a minute …”
Kane: “If you didn’t know he was Jewish, why did you mention shellfish?”
Tunt: “He’s allergic, you buttlicks.”
Likely the best dialogue in the whole episode, this quote mixes comedy with life lessons. Never make assumptions, friends: It doesn’t end well.
9. “Try the internet.” – Sterling Archer
Archer, when you’re right, you’re right.
Overall, the first episode of season seven set the bar high for the rest of the season. Tune in to FX at 10 p.m. Thursdays for more crass humor from TV’s best spy comedy.
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