Today
“”The Plumed Horn: A History of the Sixties””
This documentary is about Mexico City in the ’60s and a bilingual literary journal called El Corno Emplumado. That name almost sounds good enough to eat (on a cob with butter). Founding member Margaret Randall will lead a discussion. 7 p.m. Free. UA Aerospace and Mechanical Engineering building, Room S202
“”Dearly Beloved””
This documentary about the same-sex marriages in San Francisco features local news coverage and celebrity commentary from Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, Dave Letterman and Conan O’ Brien. Ironically, none of these people are actually gay. Well, maybe Conan. 7 p.m. Free. Wingspan Community Center, 425 E. Seventh St.
Tomorrow
Sylvia Haskvitz
A local author will discuss how to create a personal relationship between your food and your body. Just in time for Valentine’s Day, in case you’re alone. Maybe she’ll teach you how to get food to buy you jewelry and put the toilet seat down also. 7 p.m. Free. Antigone Books, 411 N. Fourth Ave.
“”Broadway Bound””
This Neil Simon play is about two brothers trying to get into professional comedy. Maybe they should take some notes from this calendar, because we all know it’s so hilarious. (This is when you laugh. Don’t be afraid.) 7:30 p.m. $11. Live Theatre Workshop, 5317 E. Speedway Blvd.
Saturday
Ralphie May
Wasn’t this guy on Celebrity Fit Club? He’s a comedian, but he wasn’t nearly as funny as Daniel Baldwin or the Snapple Lady. If I made that much money, I’d get gastric bypass surgery and just be done with it. 7:30 p.m. $25 to $30. Rialto Theatre, 318 E. Congress St.
F.U.C.T.
I just thought this name was hilarious. Line of Fire and Absolute Fucking Saints open. 9 p.m. $4. Vaudeville Cabaret, 110 E. Congress St. (21+)
Tucson Gem, Mineral and Fossil Showcase
Aside from being one of the largest rock shows in the entire country, this special event also boasts a large variety of chili dogs. 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. $7. Tucson Convention Center, 260 S. Church Ave.
Sunday
Love Sacred, Love
Profane: A Day in the Life of a Holy Traveler
This concert plays music to simulate a day in the life of someone traveling from Western Europe in the 13th through 18th centuries. It’s supposed to feature choral motets, instrumental ensembles and those anime nerds that like to dress up as Renaissance characters and go out in public. 2:30 p.m. Free. Music building, Holsclaw Hall
The Fray
This band has been compared to Coldplay, Keane and all the other melodic rock bands with pianos out there. But it’s cooler because you don’t have to watch in a gigantic stadium. They can bore in a more intimate setting. 6:30 p.m. $8 in advance, $12 at the door. Club Congress, 311 E. Congress St.
Monday
“”The Oil Factor””
This movie documents the violence in countries like Iraq and Afghanistan and analyzes the world oil crisis in depth. It seems to be very important, because oil prevents wrinkling and enflamed skin in thousands of middle aged women every year. Oh shoot, that’s Oil of Olay. 7 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. Free. Aerospace and Mechanical Engineering building, Room S202
Tuesday
Photojournalist Paul Dix
Nothing better than seeing a guy named Dix on Valentine’s Day. Plus, he’ll talk about “”The Lasting Effects of U.S. Foreign Policy: Nicaragua 20 Years After the Contra War.”” 7 p.m. Free. St. Thomas More Catholic Newman Center at the UA
Comedy Night
If you’re always incredibly depressed on this day, maybe a night of improv, films, stand-up, skits and more can cheer you up. If not, just go buy yourself some damn chocolate. Calories don’t count on V-Day. 9 p.m. $3. Club Congress, 311 E. Congress St.
Wednesday
Mary Gauthier
This woman has really, really short hair and is a folk rock singer. She’d probably play at Lilith Fair if it didn’t suck more than a fat baby with a lard-flavored pacifier. 8 p.m. $12 in advance, $15 at the door. Club Congress, 311 E. Congress St.
