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Being Twitter-pated: In the aftermath of the shocking news that Osama bin Laden was killed by U.S. forces in Pakistan, the American people did exactly what you’d expect them to — they ran to Twitter to share their reactions. Of course, in their haste to alert all of their followers, as well as their desire to sound sage-like and wise, several quotes attributed to Mark Twain and Martin Luther King Jr. went viral. Both the quotes seem perfectly suited to describe what the pinko Commies feel about bin Laden’s death, but there’s just one problem: They’re not real. Those of you who retweeted them (or posted them yourself so you could look smart) should go sit duly chastised in a corner for a while. I’ll wait.
Teenage trainwrecks: Fresh off a stirring (read: sickening) rendition of Poison’s “”Every Rose Has Its Thorn,”” a song that surprisingly has more to do with STDs than it does with roses, Miley Cyrus decided to descend to new levels of depravity and cover Nirvana’s “”Smells Like Teen Spirit.”” Forgiving for a moment the fact that Kurt Cobain could sneeze into a phonograph and create something better than “”Party in the U.S.A.,”” this cover just doesn’t make any sense. I may not be entirely clear on what teen spirit smells like, but I can sure tell you what this song sounds like. Here’s a hint, it begins with “”sh”” and is considerably more unpleasant than teen spirit.
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Human decency: While no one aside from Pittsburgh Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall is sad to hear the news of Osama bin Laden’s death, that doesn’t justify metaphorically or literally dancing on his grave. Throwing themed parties with G.I. Joes and terrorist hoes, “”liking”” the fact he is dead on Facebook, creating fake Twitter accounts or writing how “”you don’t mess with the ole Red, White and Blue because these colors don’t run”” … all it does is detract from what people should be doing: remembering his victims with the reverence and respect they deserve. Gunshots should not beget shots of gin. Show some class, people.
The Donald: Speaking of class, you have to respect the way Donald Trump responded to his second roast in less than a month at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. When President Barack Obama made jokes about the laughable birther controversy, Trump looked like a 10-year-old who just had his bike stolen by the neighborhood bully. When comedian Seth Meyers said that rather than running as a Republican he thought Trump was running as a joke, the Donald looked like one of his casinos had just gone through Chapter 11 again. Look, regardless of whether or not you think President Trump has a nice ring to it, the question remains: With the future as grim as it looks, do we really want to elect a president without a sense of humor?
