Prepare yourself, student body. It’s almost time for finals, and that means a mass exodus to the hallowed halls of the many libraries on campus. Get your desk locked down now, because soon every fortress of study will be filled, all-nighters will be pulled and not a single book will be checked out. Also, at least 20 people will use the “”Ask-a-librarian”” feature for evil purposes. (You: Am I actually talking to a librarian?! Librarian: Yes. You: Hee hee. Librarian: I hate my job.)

So, with your study fate sealed (because there’s no way you’re going to study at home — not with “”Black Ops”” calling to you from the next room), one very important question remains: Where are you going to spend your week frantically fretting and poring over barely legible notes? There are many libraries competing for your love this finals season, and this is the comprehensive guide to which one will serve you best. So as you sit in that wooden booth and read the increasingly desperate appeals from Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales (Please Read: A monetary command from the Wikipedia overlord. I provide 99 percent of your college sources. Give me money or I will ruin you.), know that you truly picked the best study hall of all.

Let us begin with the Arizona Health Sciences Library. Nestled in the middle of the University Medical Center complex, it is a great haven for all of those driven science students who need a little extra refuge for their science-driven course loads.

Pros: It is a huge, expansive library with a wide variety of places to do your study thing. Most importantly, though, is its close location to the UMC cafeteria, which grants constant access to those hardcore energy drinks (Blue Nitrous Rage Monster: Angry Edition) that keep your brain awake in the library. And the best part of all? There’s a fake skeleton in the library.

Cons: It’s extremely far away, if you’re using the central campus as an origin point. All the way up to Drachman Street and Speedway Boulevard? I’d rather just wing the O-chem exam. Other downsides are that the skeleton is actually kind of spooky, only medical students can get the study rooms and the desk clusters look like giant swastikas. I am sure that I cannot be the first person to notice this hidden Aryan agenda. Also, not the best place for germaphobes, considering the hospital’s proximity. And it closes at 2 a.m.

Next is the UA Main Library. Simple, huge, dependable, it’s the workhorse of the library squad.

Pros: Most of this building’s appeal comes from its size, and how long it stays open. I am fairly sure this is the only 24-hour library, making it a wonderful makeshift home for a particularly intense all-nighter. The Bookend Café is next door, but cannot keep up with the stamina of the Main Library and will leave you high and dry after 10 p.m.

Cons: The stadium lights on the one side make you feel like you’re in the middle of a sci-fi movie and the aliens have just landed. Also for some reason, everyone feels the need to look up and glare at you when you tip-toe by, as if you just screamed “”I hate books!”” and started wantonly pulling them off the shelves.

Close to the Main Library is the Science-Engineering Library. A personal favorite, it has the best printing set-up, as well as a neat electric stapler.

Pros: It’s close to the Mall, making last-minute essay print jobs easy and efficient. The people at the front desk are always much happier than people who work at a library front desk should be. The actual-student-to-homeless-man-leveling-up-his-WOW-character ratio is great.  

Cons: That last minute essay print job isn’t actually easy and efficient, because there seems to always be a huge line when you need there not to be. I’ve rushed in many times with two minutes to spare, only to find myself in the queue equivalent of Twi-hards waiting at the New Moon premiere. Also, the scanners are “”priority use,”” which means that technically they are fair game if every other computer is taken. So it would be totally out of line to yell at someone using it for not scanning, Girl with Red Shirt last year. Oh yes, people remember. Especially columnists.  

Music Library. Need I say more? (I hope not.)

Pros: Bright, cheery, full of artsy people.

Cons: Studying’s fine, if you can put up with the William Tell Overture playing at arbitrary level “”11″” next door at seemingly all hours of the day.

Then there’s the Law Library at the James E. Rogers College of Law, home of the bright-eyed attorneys-to-be.

Pro: Habeas corpus.

Con: They will literally not let undergraduates in. Also I have no idea where it is, which at least constitutes a personal con.

And so there you have it: an extensively researched, completely subjective, qualitative analysis of a few libraries on campus. After carefully weighing the pros and cons, it appears that your best bet is … to just play “”Call of Duty”” instead. You can always do that finals thing next semester, and those Nazi zombies aren’t going to kill themselves. Especially not the ones at the medical library.

— Johnny McKay is a media arts senior. He can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.