The minor altering of Reese’s and Kit Kats needs to stop. Every time I go to the store, there’s a new variation that’s worse than the last one, but they get me with this “”limited time only”” crap. I recently tried a Kit Kat flavored like a milkshake. Terrible. Reese’s with caramel? Terrible. Stop tempting us with new candy, you devils!

Sexual prowess was all the buzz this week, as Wilmer Valderrama dished to Howard Stern about his conquests. He told Stern that Jennifer Love Hewitt was an “”eight”” in the sack, Ashlee Simpson was animated and Lindsay Lohan was one of the best. Valderrama has apparently had more sex than all other “”Wilmers”” combined. In other sexcapade news, a book claims that Barbara Streisand has had affairs with Warren Beatty, Andre Agassi, Peter Jennings and Richard Gere, among many others. Wilmer also claims to have had a relationship with Gere, so somebody must be lying.

The full power of YouTube, the current bane of my existence, has been discovered by a user called Nornna. Only a member for two months, Nornna has uploaded almost 700 videos documenting her daily life. A huge fan of Eeyore and her cat Patty, her best “”slice of life”” films include “”Waiting for the bus,”” “”Corndogs Again No. 1″” and “”Eating Dessert.”” http://youtube.com/profile?user=Nornna

One of the biggest buzz bands at this year’s SXSW, Birdmonster’s debut LP is one of the best albums I’ve heard this year. Check out the track “”Spaceman”” at http://gorillavsbear.net/ and “”Balcony”” at http://music.for-robots.com/ The album, No Midnight, will be released April 11.

Pete Doherty, the ex-singer for the Libertines and current member of the Babyshambles, is known more for his relationship with drugs and Kate Moss than he is for his music. This Rolling Stone article, in which he does heroin and crack in front of the reporter, isn’t going to help him trade the tabloids for the Billboard charts. But it is a great read. www.rollingstone.com

The stage is dark. Here comes a ballad. Check pockets. No lighter. Oh well. That’s how concertgoers should be handling situations when they’d like to light up the sky to recognize an emotional song. Instead, they reach back into those pockets and pull out a cell phone. Yes, the cell phone does have a light. But, people, if it ain’t fire, it’s bullshit! No one really needs to light up the crowd anyway, unless we’re all at a Guns N’ Roses show and they bust out “”November Rain.”” And we are never going to go to a Guns N’ Roses show, so get that idea out of your head. If you really feel compelled to act as cliche as the song you’re toasting, start smoking and leave the cell at home.

“”Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable.””
– a sign being put up around the home of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes that’s supposed to remind her of Scientology’s rules for giving birth. Tom has also been using the sign to remind him how to keep his affairs secret while Katie’s in the next room.