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The Daily Wildcat

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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat


    On the spot

    We found Rob Baber walking along East University Boulevard, in front of Chipotle.

    Wildcat: You’re on the spot. There are two rooms and one door, and a porcupine. The porcupine must first eat a sausage and then decide which room among them to enter, knowing that one has an imperceptible dungeon and the other will lead it to heaven. Which room must it first enter before it dies?

    Baber: Well, assuming you have to die to get to heaven, you’d have to enter the dungeon.

    W: You’re right. But knowing full well that it’s his birthday the next day would that change the answer?

    B: No.

    W: There are two rings. One has fire inside it so when you put on the ring, it burns off your finger. The second one is encased in pure chocolate, and it’s also made of chocolate. But it will get your finger dirty. Which one would you put on first and where would you buy it from?

    B: The ring is made of chocolate and it’s encased in chocolate …

    W: Yeah. I don’t know, I got this from online.

    B: Interesting. I guess I’d like to keep my finger, so I’d put the chocolate one on. And, where would I buy it? I’m not sure.

    W: But you have to put on the fire one second. Would you put it on the same finger with the chocolate on it, or would you put it on another finger. Or toe.

    B: Oh, I see. I guess I would forego the fire ring. Because I don’t want to lose a finger.

    W: Yeah. This is an exercise. I’m going to make a box with my hands. Which finger would you put through the box without me slapping you?

    B: Probably my thumb.

    W: (Slaps him.) Try again.

    B: (Puts index finger)

    W: (Slaps him)

    B: (Puts middle finger)

    W: (Slaps him again.) Nope!

    B: What’s the answer?

    W: I don’t know. OK, the next one. Which word doesn’t fit: cryptography, fishball, distrustful or Swaziland?

    B: Distrustful.

    W: Why?

    B: I guess all the other ones are nouns or objects.

    W: I think it said the answer was Swaziland though cause it’s a place.

    B: OK.

    W: Which philosophical perspective is illustrated by the following …

    B: Philosophical perspective, OK.

    W: “”The Invisible Clockmaker Theory”” by Gregorius Shumaker.

    B: (Pauses) Is this the one where they talk about walking along the beach, you find a clock watch and you’re not sure who made it?

    W: Oh, yes.

    B: I’m trying to remember which philosophy that illustrates. I can’t remember the name.

    W: Is it nihilism, postmodernism…

    B: I don’t think it’s nihilism. Between the two, I’d have to go with postmodernism.

    W: I think that’s what it was.

    – interview by Andi Berlin

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