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The Daily Wildcat

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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat


    On the Spot

    While on the Alumni Plaza, we spotted creative writing freshman Sean Whalen, the proud owner of a baby goat.

    Wildcat: Hi, you’re on the spot. What’s your favorite sea animal?

    Sean Whalen: I’m going to say the platypus.

    W: Is a platypus a sea animal?

    SW: It’s not technically from the sea, but it’s partially in water. I’d count it.

    W: What’s the platypus again, does that have a nose?

    SW: It’s got the duckbill and it’s got the horn. It’s got poisonous spikes. It looks like a cross between a beaver and a duck.

    W: If you could ride any animal to Mexico. . . ? You could make it like a bigger shrimp. Or a big mouse. It could be any size.

    SW: I would ride a giant ant to Mexico, because there’s a bunch of dirty mountains out there and they look like big ant hills. So I’d have a big ant colony in Mexico.

    W: Would you let it dig you a hole inside a mountain?

    SW: Probably.

    W: What kind of ant would it be? A red ant that would sting or …

    SW: Those are poisonous, I don’t want to hurt anybody. I just want to make a big anthill.

    W: That would be a good idea because ants are really strong, too. Can’t they carry bananas and stuff?

    SW: I hate those bikes over there. Those ones where you pull them. (Points to a man riding a hand bike.)

    W: Oh my god, what is that thing? What’s the point of that?

    SW: I guess it’s the same point as a regular bike, it’s just a dumb idea.

    W: If you could ride that into Mexico, would you?

    SW: Probably not unless there were some sick jumps. Like one really sick jump that would fly me all the way there on that bike, I’d do it.

    W: What kind of fish is the best to eat?

    SW: I’d go with catfish.

    W: Isn’t that like a poor man’s fish? Can’t you choose something a little more aristocratic like a salmon or a trout?

    SW: If I chose something a little more aristocratic I’d feel like a pretentious ass.

    W: If you could live in any habitat, what would it be?

    SW: I would live in a little kid’s aquarium. And I’d ride sea ants and platypuses.

    W: If you were an animal, what would you be?

    SW: I’m gonna say a dingo. Dingos are just kinda sweet. They’re like the Australian coyote. What are those, hyenas? I might be a hyena.

    W: But wouldn’t you be upset because everyone would use your name as an insult?

    SW: I’ve heard dingbat before.

    W: Is that a real animal?

    SW: No.

    – Andi Berlin

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