Two heads are better than one, five heads are better than two, and so as it goes it is easier to be negative than positive – especially when it comes to fashion faux pas. That’s French for “”Ew.””

photos by Giuseppe DeMasi

This is called the “”Coley bun”” for anyone who tuned in to the Colorado season of “”The Real World”” on MTV. It’s when someone with medium to long hair, usually a woman, gathers all of their hair to the top of their head, maneuvers it into a knob shape and secures it with an elastic tie. Cute, right? This hairstyle is not even OK if you are having an off day. I was happy to see the popularity of this particular style diminish but I am occasionally haunted by the occasional stragglers. There are other ways to put up one’s hair without placing its entire contents on top of your head. If you have enough time in your regimen to gather at the top, you have enough time to take it down a notch.

White socks and sandals – there needs to be a pre-requisite class for what NEVER to wear if you’re a guy. Boys, what is the attraction of this particular combination? Socks go with shoes, sandals are worn barefoot – it’s really not that hard. If you want to wear socks of the white persuasion so badly, then wear actual shoes. Don’t socks get sweaty? Isn’t the whole point of a sandal to let the foot breathe? How much longer is this injustice going to continue? This indefensible crime needs to be eradicated. If anyone wants to write a letter to the editor, make sure you put a paragraph that explains this phenomenon to me because I don’t understand it.

OK, this has been violated too many times. Why is it that women want to cover their butts with large hooded sweatshirts as if that actually does anything for the womanly shape? There are entire songs and cultures dedicated to this body part, specifically the female version. When is embracing the gluteus maximus going to become mainstream already?

Covering up this godly part is a crime! If your excuse is that you are trying to hide it, it’s not working. In fact, it makes it look even worse and brings a greater amount of attention to it – which is the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve with your derriere. If you got it – an ass that is – stop covering it up, especially with the foul fabric that is sweatshirt material.