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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    Forever Alone: Valentine’s Day Edition

    1. Netflix and Cry

    Sure, we’ve all heard about Netflix and chill, but what about the forever alone alternative? Pick one of your favorite sad movies, grab a giant tub of ice cream and let the tears flow. 

    Soon, it won’t matter that you’re baeless on Valentine’s Day, because you wouldn’t want anyone to see you like this anyway. Definitely an activity best saved for when you’re alone.

    2. Sleep

    You can’t be baeless on Valentine’s Day if you’re not actually awake for it. Valentine’s Day is much easier if you’re not conscious. Since the horrible holiday falls on a Sunday this year, there is no need to worry about class or homework. 

    Let’s be honest, you weren’t going to do that until Monday anyway.

    Prepare the night before by bringing lots of your favorite things to bed, particularly items like a laptop or a nice book. Don’t forget to bring as much food as possible—you’re going to need to eat in between naps. You won’t have to leave your bed until Monday, when it’s all over and you can return to normal life.

    3. Treat Yo’ Self

    In the words of Tom Haverford from “Parks and Recreation”: treat yourself. It’s easy to get caught up with all the hype and excitement surrounding Valentine’s Day. After all, it is the day when you get to appreciate your significant other for putting up with your craziness. 

    Being single on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a drag; in fact, one could take this opportunity to buy or treat themselves to something that they’ve always wanted. Perhaps you could buy those expensive shoes you’ve always wanted or attend a spa for the day. The point of treating yourself is to appreciate your singleness rather than despise it. 

    Look on the bright side: unlike your friends, you don’t have to worry about whether bae will enjoy the gift you got him or her. Chances are they probably won’t appreciate the gift anyway.

    4. Exercise

    Instead of moping around the house wondering why you’re still single, use that time to engage in more meaningful and useful activities. Studies have shown that engaging in physical activities helps reduce stress and anxiety levels, thus helping you be free of those primal desires. 

    For Tucsonans that have yet to find a significant other, enjoy the beauty that this city has to offer by taking hikes at Sabino Canyon or Picacho Peak. Meet up with other friends who are currently single to go for a jog or engage in aerobic activities like swimming or cycling.

    5. Masturbate

    There is no other activity that is more free or fulfilling than masturbation. It’s good for focus, safe and a natural extension of human sexual activity. Don’t underestimat it. 

    Who needs a bae when you’ve got your hands, some lubricant and hours upon hours to ride the wave? 

    Every time you masturbate, a healthy dose of endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin is released that maintain a rush of good, positive energy. Besides, the activity itself is physiologically relaxing. 

    Frequent masturbation builds stamina for when you do have sex, so if you do find bae after Valentine’s Day they will shake your hand for all the hard work you put into making their sexual experience inevitably fantastic.

    6. Explore the City

    Take a ride on the Sun Link Tucson Modern Streetcar and visit Fourth Avenue, downtown Tucson or the Mercado district. 

    Visit the San Xavier del Bac mission. Take a drive along Sunset Drive and enjoy the spectacular views Tucson has to offer. Visit Reid Park Zoo or the Tucson Botanical Gardens. 

    Go gallery hopping throughout the art district. Enjoy a day shopping at Park Place or La Encantada. Tucson has many wonderful attractions, the appeals of which are not contingent on being in a relationship.

    7. Read

    People do not take enough time to read in the hustle and bustle of modern life. Grab a book and take some solid time to enjoy it while couples frolic and play. Read a book you haven’t read in a long time, read an online periodical or, hell, read Harry Potter erotica on the tangled bowels of the internet. 

    Above all, enjoy and savor what you’re reading and the fact that you have time to read it.


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