As with everything this week, today’s focus is on Homecoming. There are many games played during this spirited time, but the most important one is the Arizona football game. With so many alumni returning for it and the high volume of students in the ZonaZoo, not everyone can get in. Well, fear not, in lieu of getting to experience the game, there is a way to spice up watching it from home.

The method referred to is, of course, a drinking game — because in college, everything is a drinking game, right?

This Arizona drinking game is a frequent occurrence during away games among friends, so why not share the joy with everyone?
There are the basics, like drinking after every scoring drive, interception or fourth down conversion, but every team needs its special rules. Of course, sadly — for the game, not the team — two of the biggest reasons for Arizona fans to drink are no longer around.

Yes, now that Mike Stoops has been replaced with interim head coach Tim Kish, no one can take a shot every time the camera turns to him and he’s angry. So much alcohol will go without being consumed.

Then there’s former starting kicker, Alex Zendejas. It used to work that whenever he missed a kick, everyone finished their drink. Now we have John Bonano who makes every PAT and field goal. What a jerk, right? He’s totally killing the buzz.

Worry not though, fellow Wildcats. There are still plenty of predictable habits which can be used to drink — here they are:

Drink every time Kish doesn’t overreact to a penalty call: So this might be confusing, but a bit of an explanation should clear it up. To start, think about what would happen if a penalty was called on Arizona while Stoops was the head coach. Without fail, he would lose his shit and go red in the face. Whether he yelled at the ref or the players, someone received his ire.

Kish is more reserved and level headed. He takes the bad calls in stride, and when they’re warranted he just shrugs them off, or so it seems. Regardless, the thing to keep in mind is this: when a penalty is called that would have set Stoops off, but Kish stays cool, take a shot. Use your best judgment, but when in doubt, take one anyway. Couldn’t hurt.

Drink every time Bonano makes a kick: For most teams, the kicker making a short range field goal, or even a PAT, is not a momentous occasion. For the Wildcats, however, it’s cause for uproarious celebration. After all, for the past two years, Arizona fans have had to bite their collective nails every time a kick needed to happen.

In the past fans adapted and just used the misses as an excuse to drink, but now it’s time to bring that positive attitude back to the special teams. So, when Bonano’s kick is good, celebrate with a shot.

Drink every time Nick Foles makes an improbable pass: The entire Wildcat fan base should know by now that Foles makes some unbelievable passes. It doesn’t happen every game, but when they do occur, they’re a thing of beauty. So, to treasure the moment, every time Foles makes the play when lesser quarterbacks wouldn’t, drink.

For those unsure, this includes events like making a pass while being tackled, throwing the ball with his left hand (he’s a righty) or threading the ball right past multiple defenders. Again, like the Kish rule, use your best judgment.

Finish your drink if Arizona wins: Hell, finish two drinks. This one is pretty easy to understand. Arizona’s record is far from stellar, sitting at a measly 2-6. Homecoming games are supposed to be sure things, but the way the team has been playing, don’t be so sure. Utah is a pretty solid team this year, so it could give the Wildcats a run for their money.

However, should Arizona pull out the W, go nuts. Not only does it mean further redemption for a team that should be much better than it is, it means the team can still go to a bowl game, which is good.

So, in honor of that, shotgun a beer, pound some shots — do whatever feels necessary to make sure this momentous occasion isn’t forgotten. Just be safe, everyone. The team already has enough injuries as it is — it doesn’t need the fans to suffer too.

— Jason Krell is a junior studying creative writing and Italian. He can be reached at arts@wildcat.arizona.edu.