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The Daily Wildcat

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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    Teach me how to Twilight

    With the advent of “”Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1″” came previews for the big titles of next year. Among “”Cowboys and Aliens”” and “”Yogi Bear,”” there’s a new picture called “”Red Riding Hood.”” Starring Amanda Seyfried, the film is produced by Leonardo DiCaprio and directed by — guess who? — Catherine Hardwicke, director of “”Twilight.””

    The movie follows Valerie, a beautiful young woman. She’s little red, but so grown up that “”raunchy red riding hood”” might be a better name for her. Valerie’s heart is torn, because she’s betrothed to a wealthy neighbor, but secretly loves a brooding outsider. In the trailer alone, there are many steamy scenes between Valerie and both men. And when a mysterious werewolf begins killing members of her village, Valerie is forced to take a side.

    So, is it just us, or is “”Red Riding Hood”” giving a perfectly innocent fairytale the full-fledged Twilight treatment? Forbidden love, werewolf action and having two unacceptably hot guys to choose sure sounds like déjà vu.

    So, if the Twilight trend can sexify an innocent fairy tale like “”Little Red Riding Hood,”” what’s next? Allow us to predict:

    ‘Goldi’

    Miley Cyrus plays Goldilocks, an aspiring singer who runs away and stumbles upon a house outside the city limits. On the verge of death, she collapses at the door and is nursed back to health, fed only a perfect porridge, by the charming man who lives there. As she recovers, she finds the inspiration to write beautiful music thanks to her blossoming love for the man who saved her life. But alas, it is not meant to last. When his parents return home, she uncovers the terrible secret: all three of them are were-bears.

    ‘The Stalk’

    Young Jack (Justin Beiber) has been following 17-year-old Jane for as long as he can remember. One night as he follows her, Jack witnesses her affair with the so-called “”Giant”” who owns a Fortune 500 company called Beanstalk. In a fit of rage, Jack steals Giant’s blueprints for the latest green technology. Jack threatens to leak the specs to Beanstalk’s rival, Bovine Inc., unless Giant ends the affair with Jane. But Jack underestimates Beanstalk’s corporate pull and finds himself not only heartbroken, but also hunted.

    ‘The Candy House’

    When Hans invites long-time crush Greta to the hot new club, “”Candy House,”” it seems like the makings of a perfect night. But then the pair meets the owner of the club (Kim Cattrall), and discovers she dabbles in the dark arts, selling clubbers’ souls to the devil in exchange for the recipe for a new superdrug called Syn. Worse, as Greta urges Hans to leave, she sees that he has fallen under the witch’s seductive spell. Greta must struggle not only to save the man she’s come to love, but also to keep the lethal drug from hitting the streets before it’s too late.

     

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