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The Daily Wildcat

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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

Cat Tracks: Jan. 19

Trending Up

Pence for your thoughts?: A new political organization called the “”America’s President Committee”” has been formed to attempt to convince Indiana Republican Rep. Mike Pence to run for president in 2012 because “”(g)rassroots conservatives, Republicans, the Tea Party and populists are looking for a man or woman of principle who can champion and unite the newly energized and engaged citizenry,”” the group wrote in a statement. That’s all well and good, but there’s just one question. Who is Mike Pence?

Men on the dead man’s chest: Beware ye landlubbers! 2010 was the worst year on record for acts of piracy committed on the high seas. According to a report from the International Chamber of Commerce’s International Maritime Bureau, pirates captured 1,181 sailors aboard 53 ships, and a total of 445 pirate attacks were reported last year. Either way ye slice it, that be a lot o’ doubloons for when they make port. Lashings of ginger beer for everyone! That’s what pirates drink, right? Ginger beer?

Hu Dat?: Chinese President Hu Jintao arrived stateside yesterday to meet with President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden. So remember children, mind your manners, keep your fingernails clean and for the love of all things sacred, don’t mention the money we owe them.

 

Trending Down

Pediatricians: Deposed former Haitian dictator Jean-Claude “”Baby Doc”” Duvalier made his triumphant return from 25 years of French exile (the worst kind of exile) yesterday. He was greeted by several thousand Haitians who remember his time as leader fondly. Today, he made his equally triumphant return (to some) to court, where a hearing will be held to decide whether to arrest him for allegedly siphoning money from the Haitian treasury and committing countless human rights violations. I don’t think I’m alone in saying this man should have his medical license revoked immediately. Won’t somebody think of the children?!

Hipster apathy: Even the most non-poser of all the legions of skinny jean-clad, unkempt scruff-sporting, bad music-loving that populate the UA had to hold their breath when news broke that Apple CEO Steve Jobs is taken a temporary medical leave of absence from day-to-day operations of the company. Because without his black turtleneck and constant verbal abuse, there’s just no way they can justify paying exorbitant amounts of money so they can look smug using a laptop that is basically just a glorified coaster for their equally overpriced coffee beverages. Shaw.

 

Dr. Philbin: Regis Philbin, host of such mid-afternoon to early-evening fare such as Live with Regis and Kelly and Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, has announced he is leaving network television. The million dollar question, Mr. Philbin, is that your final answer?

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