The semester has officially settled in, you have gotten into the rhythm of things and it finally feels like things might work out well for you. Then Valentine’s Day arrives.
America’s favorite card company manufactured holiday has once again come to test the strength of all human romantic relationships while simultaneously making all single people feel terrible about themselves, just as it does every single year.
If you happen to find yourself in that boat and your Facebook relationship status currently says “Single,” don’t fret. You’re actually one of the lucky ones. Although many may believe the opposite, remaining single on Valentine’s Day happens to be one of the best decisions a person can make.
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Oh Valentine’s Day. A day full of romance, love and the chance to show that special someone just how much you care. Excuse me while I puke.
Valentine’s Day has nothing to offer other than unnecessary pressure on people to flatter their significant other with chocolates, flowers, cards and stuffed animals while making you, the single person, feel like you have committed some hell worthy sin just by staying single. Damn you, Hallmark.
By choosing the less-traveled path of singlehood, you will avoid the stresses and costs of V. Day, both financial and emotional.
If you do have a significant other, you are now completely out of luck and must once again conform to the Valentine’s Day standards the world has established for you. What’s worse, the dreaded Valentine’s Day “window” has begun; the unspoken societal agreement that individuals in romantic relationships may not end said relationship within the approximately two week period surrounding Valentine’s Day.
Basically, breaking up with your significant other during either the week before or the week after Valentine’s Day violates a social norm that has manifested since the dawn of time. President Donald Trump’s executive order establishing this rule is expected to go into effect any day now.
Also, never start a relationship during this period. You don’t want to get roped into participating in Valentine’s Day when you barely even know if you like the person yet. Use some common sense, and wait until next week to ask them out for coffee.
Many couples struggle in their relationships, but Valentine’s Day forces them to make fake amends when they may not yet be ready to do so, thereby creating bigger problems down the line.
Walking into the card section at a grocery store, you will probably see the “husband and wife” sections or the “my love” sections, but you will not see the “my significant other and I may break up soon but now it’s Valentine’s Day so I still have to get them a card” section, even though this section would most closely align with the situations of many people.
Stay single, and avoid all of this. If you do, you can spend Feb. 14 catching up on sleep, watching your favorite show or just doing whatever makes you happy instead of what Hallmark and Pinterest have told you will make someone else happy.
Buy yourself a box of chocolates and eat it alone in your room while watching Netflix. Not because of your agony and despair at not having someone to share the day with, but rather at your sheer joy that you have the freedom to do it.
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Make this Valentine’s Day about you, and when you see all those super adorable couples adorably feeding pieces of chocolate into each other’s mouths, just remember how miserable they actually feel on the inside.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Wildcats.
Follow Alec Kuehnle on Twitter.
