Celebrities deserve to be written about. The coupling of celebrities deserves magazine covers. The child of two celebrities should make the cover of Time.

While TomKat was fun while it lasted, it’s unfair that this couple got all the press. But, inevitably, when two couples are both expecting children at the same time, the crazier couple gets more coverage. This isn’t fair and it’s time for a change. TomKat? It’s over. Brangelina? There’s still a month left of juicy updates before Angelina delivers, and we should be savvy of the routine after just going through it with the Scientology crew. And what TomKat had in crazy, Brangelina has in beauty.

Their baby is going to be super-sexy. That may not catch the eye like “”Tom Cruise plans to eat the placenta,”” but it’s a jumping-off point. Will the adopted kids be jealous of the baby’s cuteness? Will the parents force the kid to get collagen injections? Unfortunately, the couple is on holiday in Namibia and avoiding the press. A little help would be nice, Brangelina. All this charity stuff is getting boring.

Julia Roberts has gotten off pretty easy so far. Either the sex tapes haven’t leaked yet, or she’s just a nice lady. That constant smiling couldn’t have prepared her for the shit-storm hailed at her by critics who saw her Broadway debut in “”Three Days of Rain”” this last week. The show, which also stars Paul Rudd, is going to be a huge financial success despite the panning, but, oh, the panning. Most of the critics note that she has “”little stage presence,”” one said she seems “”ill at ease”” and a final critic said her performance “”borders on embarrassing.”” Yeah, but have you seen “”Flatliners””? She was great in that one.

Bored? Can’t find anything worthwhile on the Internet? Not even on YouTube? Try a good old-fashioned game of paper football. Check out www.paperfootballzone.com for all the rules you forgot or never learned. You can even make up your own rules and turn it into a drinking game. Next week: make a diorama for “”Huckleberry Finn.””

How many times do you really need to listen to a comedy CD? And don’t try to tell me more than once, Dane Cook fans, I’m not listening to you. So head over to AOL and listen to ranting madman Lewis Black on the grandest of stages, live at Carnegie Hall. The catch? It’s censored by the good guys over at AOL. I guess they’ve figured out how to get people to buy CDs again. http://music.aol.com

Because music videos are one of my favorite media, I’m always looking for a good music video blog. A consistent one is Cliptip, which puts up one interesting video every day, concentrating mostly on independent artists. Another great new music video site is Videoteque, which has a little bit more variety and turned me on to Danish pop band Carpark North’s video for “”Human”” – quite possibly the best spot by a director not named Michel Gondry. http://videoteque.blogspot.com/ and http://cliptip.blogspot.com/

The coolest movie awards have announced their nominations, and MTV has picked some real gems this year. Paris Hilton gets a nod, as does BeyoncǸ Knowles for “”The Pink Panther.”” Did anyone know she was in that movie? Read the esteemed list of nominations (coincidentally the same people who agreed to show up) and find out where old man Oscar really fucked up. Hint: ignoring Adam Sandler’s consistent performances year after year. www.mtv.com

“”My own ‘mission: impossible’ was getting here. That was the mission impossible.”” ð

-Tom Cruise, about the difficulty of traveling to the premiere of his film “”Mission: Impossible III”” in Rome just days after his daughter Suri was born. Cruise went on to say that he “”chose to accept the mission, knowing full well it was impossible.”” He also said the words “”mission”” and “”impossible”” a few more times, as Scientologists believe that you should only form sentences if they include the title of your new movie.