Super Cool News is a new DailyWildcat.com feature that shares the, yes, coolest news happening around town and around the country. Try not to take what its writers have to say too literally.
From the earliest days of freshman year, college students divide into two groups: those who have a car, and those who do not.
The lucky ones roll up to campus in their beautiful sports cars — graduation gifts they obviously earned. Some, on the other hand, still drive the same piece of crap they’ve had since they got their license, as they insist that the ol’ girl still has a few thousand miles left in her. These people — both of these groups of people — have no idea how to correctly do college.
People just don’t seem to realize that having a car in college is completely overrated. So, the smartest kids belong to a third group — those without cars. The following reasons could convince even the most devout car lover that college is way better without a four-wheeled vehicle. Here’s why.
You may live longer
Without a car, the chance of dying in college decreases significantly, according to a new study. Sure, students still have to worry about failing all their classes and getting alcohol poisoning, but at least they won’t have any horrific automobile accidents, and if they do — at least the car doesn’t belong to them.
You can mooch off your friends
Having access to a car in college has some benefits, but that car most definitely does not have to belong to you. Car owners have their place here, so students should quickly sniff out those in this unfortunate predicament and befriend them. That way, they will have access to a car whenever they need it. Let the mooching begin. Also, most importantly, NEVER offer to pay for gas. The drivers put themselves in this situation, so be sure to take full advantage.
You’ll get more exercise
In circumstances where mooching proves impossible, students may need to exert physical exercise to get from point A to point B. Although it’s an unfamiliar concept to many college students, one can actually use their own body as a means of transportation. So, feel free to walk or ride a bike. This way, students get a better sense of the university life around them. We’re only supposed to spend four years here, so we might as well make them count.
You’ll get to know your campus better
Without a car, one can only travel so far. No, that did not come from a poem. It’s important though, because those with limited transportation options must further connect with their community. What’s better than feeling trapped at a university with 40,000 students whom you barely even know? Nothing. Nothing at all.
You’ll save money
Having a car will prove far too expensive due to gas, parking and that parking ticket from the night you got too wasted to remember where you parked and ended up leaving your car somewhere you weren’t supposed to. Just don’t bring the car! You’ll have more money to spend on alcohol and whatever else college students buy, so, yeah, pretty much alcohol.
You won’t have to get a job
When your parents call and say you need to finally get a job, just say “Mom and Dad, I don’t even have a car. How would I get to work?” Then they will surely ask you to look into jobs on campus, to which you’ll lie and say you don’t know about any, but that you’ll look into it, even though you won’t. Problem solved.
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College students need to pump the brakes and realize that having a car while in college makes absolutely no sense. Ride a bike, for goodness sake, and leave the car at home.
Follow Alec Kuehnle on Twitter.
