Self-proclaimed “”Vagina Warriors”” caused quite a stir last week, selling chocolate vaginas on the UA Mall and accusing the student government of being biased against women’s rights. Now, we’ve asked two Wildcat columnists: What does it mean to be a man?

No way to tell what men ‘should’ be

Let’s be frank: The only thing certain about what it means to be a man is that if you ask 100 people, you’ll get 100 different answers, most of them mutually exclusive.

Think about it for a second. Does a man listen exclusively to heavy metal, or is he “”secure”” enough in his manhood to enjoy girly music? Does he survive on a diet of rocks, whiskey and broken glass, or does he know how to cook?

Is he a powerful, hulking man of Chuck Norris proportions, or is he a refined intellectual who’s in touch with his feminine side? Does he even care about being a man, or is caring an automatic indicator that he’s gay and therefore not really a man? (I hope the sarcasm there is self-evident.)

All of these questions come to mind. And while they are related to the question of what a man “”should”” be, they also reveal the deeper factor that unifies all men: We’re constantly bombarded with messages from other men, women, the media and our own biology.

The result is we are under constant, conflicting pressure to perform in 1,000 different ways, most of which are unachievable by default. Feminists complain loudly about the stresses affecting women. But trust me, ladies. It’s just as bad on the other side of the fence.

Being a man probably has something to do with a Y chromosome and possibly a penis. Beyond that, it’s anyone’s guess. I’d wager that nothing is more frustrating than knowing we ought to be something but having no idea what that “”something”” is.

– Taylor Kessinger is a sophomore majoring in physics, math and philosophy.

Bunching, waxing problems for men, too

My penis is a vase. Not a vase you can put anything in, but it’s still shaped like one of those modern, plain glass vases. Never mind, that’s pretty graphic. Let’s just say that we all know what it looks like.

Being a man these days, and having one of these things swinging between my legs, means I have a lot of problems, too. I don’t fear rape, like women do, but men today have some of the same self-esteem issues women do. And though women have their junk tucked away, men must constantly worry about where to place ours. Have you ever tried to wear tight jeans and boxer-briefs? Our bunching problems are much worse.

And as much as Eve Ensler has made everyone start thinking about vagina, we should also be thinking about penis. My package needs attention, too, you know.

Today, men are threatened from every side. Metrosexualism has forced men to be concerned about their nails and chest hair. On the other hand, there is a movement to embrace more traditional forms of masculinity, like Rocky Balboa or Brad Pitt circa “”Fight Club.”” Do I trim or let it grow? Or wax? So many options today, and each seem to mean something about my masculinity.

Being a gay man is tons of fun, though. I get to experience masculinity up close and personal. I make friends with masculinity, shake its hand and reject traditional roles while embracing them half-heartedly.

My penis is a vase. And I love it.

– Sam Feldman is a political science junior.