How many times have you gone to the bathroom at a stranger’s house during a party to find that the only reading material available is either Sports Illustrated or Playboy? Beggars can’t be choosers, but shoddy reading material is arguably worse than no Febreze. If there is such a thing as coffee table reading material, then what constitutes proper water closet reading material? Nothing heavy of course, just something you can pick up, flip to a page and giggle at. Without raiding Urban Outfitters, here are five essential books no toilet is complete without.

“”The Little Book of Famous Insults””

Betty Jo Ramsey (Ed.), Peter Pauper Press, Inc. (1964)

The title says it all. This book offers highly educated quips and come-backs that literary figures and world leaders used effectively. Flip to a page and discover what George Bernard Shaw really thought about his wife or how Mark Twain described Jane Austen’s prose.

“”Kids Say the Darndest Things!””

Art Linkletter, Prentice Hall, Inc. (1957)

This anthology of the responses children give to everyday questions sheds light on their imagination and frank honesty. Not only is this good for a laugh, but it also reminds adults that there is a universe between their world and a child’s.

“”It Came From the Far Side””

Gary Larson, Universal Press Syndicate (1986)

If you aren’t in the mood to read and be amused or if you want to give your lodger something visually enticing, grab a Gary Larson book. He compares and contrasts the way humans and animals behave, pointing out the silliness in human beings. His topics run the gamut from anthropomorphized insects to the ways cows behave when no one is watching. Humor harbors a hint of truth and Larson’s truths are unswervingly candid.

“”The Meaning of Tingo””

Adam Jacot de Boinod, Penguin Books (2005)

In many languages the world over, there are sayings and expressions that cannot be translated back to a different language. The Germans have a word for the feeling you get when something bad happens to someone that you don’t like — shadenfreude — and the Japanese age-otori means “”less attractive after a haircut.””

“”Strong, Absorbent Trivia for the Toilet””

Simon Melhuish, Mad Moose Press (2002)

This book is comprised of random facts and bizarre knowledge, of the sort you find on the caps of Snapple bottles. There isn’t much direction in this book (no index nor table of contents), but you can just flip to any old page and start reading short one- or two-line facts about animals or perfume or icebergs or even Elvis. You will leave the toilet more knowledgeable than you were before you sat down.

— Graham Thompson