This one’s for the broski with a lady friend, the guy who just realized that Valentine’s Day is less than a week away (next Monday, bro). Chances are you’re going to have to sit through a lame romantic movie that she wants to watch. Instead of that, trick your girlfriend into watching something bearable by disguising it as something she would like:
1. ‘High Fidelity’ (2000) – John Cusack, Iben Hjejle, Jack Black
What She’ll Like: It’s a classic plot of one dude making a lot of changes in his priorities in order to keep his girlfriend around, resulting in some genuine maturity in the end of the movie. With luck, your girlfriend will project all of that implied growth onto you for picking this movie.
What You’ll Like: A well-written comedy about romance taken completely from a dude’s perspective makes for a relatable two hours you totally won’t feel like you’re wasting. Also notable is a pre-popularity Jack Black telling funny jokes and not being annoying.
2. ‘P.S. I Love You’ (2007) – Hilary Swank, Gerard Butler
What She’ll Like: The movie mostly centers around a widow crying her way through her deceased husband’s “”In-Case-I-Die”” scavenger hunt into the arms of his best friend in Ireland and the weird arousal noises your girlfriend makes when Gerard Butler is on screen that she’s never made around you before.
What You’ll Like: Pretending it’s King Leonidas the whole time helps a lot.
3. ‘The Princess Bride’ (1987) – Carey Elwes, Mandy Patinkin, Robin Wright
What She’ll Like: A movie about a dude jumping through like a million life-threatening hoops to get a girl who spends most of the movie sitting in a nice house. She’ll love it.
What You’ll Like: To quote the character played by the admirable Peter Falk, “”Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles…””
4. ‘The Notebook’ (2004) – Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams
What She’ll Like: Yet another movie about a dude jumping through like a million life-threatening hoops to get a girl who spends most of the movie sitting in a nice house.
What You’ll Like: I’ve got no tips for the actual experience of watching this movie; it will be boring and unrealistic regardless. However, start a conversation with your girlfriend after the movie about the film’s discursive suggestions about gender roles. Ask which of the scenes highlighting Rachel McAdams’ lack of agency is her favorite and why. Then ask her if she expects you to build a house for her. Now you never have to watch “”The Notebook”” again.
5. ‘Chloe’ (2009) – Julianne Moore, Liam Neeson, Amanda Seyfried
What She’ll Like: Very little.
What You’ll Like: The trick here is to list off all the things you know about the movie that might seem like a good choice (the cast, Canadian indie cred, it’s a remake of a French film). Then, when the movie is just about the blonde girl from “”Mean Girls”” having sexy casual encounters with the lady from “”The Big Lebowski,”” play dumb and never, ever admit you knew what the movie was really about before you watched it with her. Watch it later on your own time, and get two DVDs for the price of one.