The Wildcat accosted undecided freshman Pauline Carpentier after an unsuccessful attempt at interviewing that guy who sits in the van with the traffic cones on East University Boulevard.

Wildcat: OK, you’re on the spot. What’s your favorite sandwich?

Carpentier: Oh no, I like

all sandwiches.

W: That’s not a good answer.

C: Maybe like turkey or

chicken salad?

W: But what would you put on the turkey?

C: I love every type of

veggie, everything.

W: What about squash?

C: Squash might be good.

W: On a sandwich?

C: I don’t know, I’ve never tried it.

W: Sounds kind of gross. If you could make a sandwich out of a human body part, what would it be? You wouldn’t have to eat it, you could just look at it or paint it or smell it.

C: A boob?

W: Is that a little bit sexist though? I think a man would kind of object. Have you seen “”Two Girls One Cup?””

C: No.

W: Pretty gross, huh? Have you seen “”Two Girls One McRib””? That’s even worse. Talk about disgusting sandwiches.

C: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

W: Seriously? Everyone denies it. If you could live in a tree, what kind of tree would it be?

C: A palm tree.

W: Why?

C: Because they have coconuts and I love coconuts.

W: These palm trees don’t have coconuts.

C: Well maybe like an elm tree, or the tree

in Pocahontas.

W: What kind of tree is that?

C: It’s a talking tree, and the leaves kind of go down and…

W: But what if it got pissed off at you for climbing all over it, if it’s a talking tree?

C: Well, I’d make sure if it was okay with it and we’d be friends.

W: But what if it wasn’t okay with it and then you’d have no tree to live in?

C: Then I’d go find another tree.

W: It’s a world of tree democracy. You know, equal rights. What kind of bumper sticker pisses you off or annoys you?

C: I don’t really pay attention to bumper stickers that much.

W: What about those ones that are like, “”My kid beat up your honor student””?

C: Uh, well I saw one that said, “”My dog is better than your honor student”” and that was a great one.

W: Yeah, I like dogs better than people anyway.

ð – interview by Andi Berlin