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“”Tainted Love”” … and celery: A Texas food-processing plant has been shut down after four people contracted listeriosis after consuming celery tainted with the bacteria. Apparently, the reason you lose calories while eating celery is that it may make you violently ill. Who knew?

The retirement age in France: Of course, this could easily be “”riots and civic unrest”” since they are basically the same thing at this point. All the influential French unions (those representing mimes, disenchanted women at cafes and Jerry Lewis impersonators) are calling for at least two additional days of protests against a controversial proposal to raise the retirement age in France from 60 to 62. But cheer up, French politicians; at least you were able to save your populace from Lady Gaga.

Every little boy’s dream: Did you see “”Jackass 3D””? Well, if you did, you’re not the only one, since it raked in more than $50 million its opening week. Somewhere, a group of bored suburbanites just found their unoriginal out from a lifetime of working for “”the man.””

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Tenth-grade civics: The separation of church and state is an issue that has been on the minds of constitutional framers and enforcers for hundreds of years. Unless you’re Christine O’Donnell, who apparently decided, “”Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,”” doesn’t bar church and state from commingling. Technically, she’s right. Functionally? Not so much.     

Juan Williams: The former political commentator for National Public Radio was fired after an appearance on Fox News’ “”The O’Reilly Factor,”” during which he said, “”When I get on a plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they’re identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous.”” Granted, it’s not as bad as if he said that he would get nervous encountering an African American in a dark alleyway, but that’s why we have Chris Wallace.

Ice, ice, baby: According to a report from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, temperatures in the Arctic and Greenland continue to be well above historical norms. This year also saw a record loss of ice from a Greenland glacier when a 110-square-mile portion of the Petermann Glacier broke off.