In Plato’s philosophical dialogue “Timaeus,” he wrote of a golden age where the nation of Atlantis prospered. Slowly this great empire’s morals decayed and the once seemingly invincible nation was dragged beneath the sea by an earthquake overnight.
Dormitories are kind of like Atlantis in that all seems to be going well one day and then an unforeseen disaster can bring it all crumbling to the ground. But unlike Atlantis, your roommates are very, very real.
Every year, wide-eyed idealistic freshmen walk into their dorms at the University of Arizona. By the end of their first spring semester, the gleam in their eyes disappears as they let the lease expire after one too many knock-down, drag-out arguments with their roommates.
These situations are preventable. So instead of having several panic attacks looking for new housing at the end of your first year, here are a few guidelines to save yourself future micro-aneurysms.
- Respect each others’s property
Karl Marx might not have been the biggest fan of private property, but your roommates are.
That food they bought is theirs. I have noticed my own roommates were able to, with mathematical certainty, remember how many slices of bread they had and if they went missing. Nothing ever made them more angry.
The other things that made my roommates upset were the dishes. It’s a cliche, but one founded in a shared-human experience, likely experienced across the globe for generations. If you use a dish, Mom is not going to clean it for you and neither will the other inhabitants of your dorm.
It is tedious. I have never had a good time doing dishes, not once. But it is vastly preferable to arguing about it, so grab that soap.
- Pay rent on time.
During the 2026-7 academic year UA is listing that rent can cost from $7,270 to $16,140 for both semesters. Now, if you’re reading your probably Gen-Z. The economy has been rigged against you from the start and there’s no way you’re covering that cost alone, so you and your roommates need to band together like the Avengers and foot that bill.
Some dorms have you pay at the beginning of the semester or set up a payment plan. There’s minutia here, but ultimately it all ends in the same place. You have to pay it before your roommates decide to “get these beggars out of here.” Get a job at Spirit of Halloween for all it matters, the bread comes first.
There are some students who need not worry about this. The genteel who sit in the high rises on Park Ave, driving around town in Teslas, their ultra wealthy parents paying for rent. But really, if your parents are paying for your apartment, why even have roommates? That’s just a tactical error at that point.
- Don’t live with your high-school friends.
I’ve never heard of this working out. I know many people who thought they would live in perpetual bliss with their super-cool, best friends for life. Some have even tried to date their roommates, in acts of hubris comparable to Greek Heroes. None of them are friends/lovers anymore.
Some things are best in moderation. To room with your best friends is like gorging yourself on chocolate cake. It all tastes great going down, but burns as you throw it all back up.
The chemistry that makes you great friends probably is not the same chemistry you want from a roommate. Your friend having a great time playing “Jack Box Party Pack” is not a qualification for being a roommate. Frankly, being friends with your roommates is entirely optional. You just need to live with them long enough to get a degree. It is more important to not be a jerk then it is to be friends. You probably want your friends to stick around longer than 4-6 years.
If you are reading this and are like “Well, too late, we’ve already moved in.” Then I’m sorry, I wish I could’ve saved you. But it might be too late.
- Have sex responsibly.
This is the big one. I have been regaled with many tales of dorm rooms collapsing in on themselves. The gravitational force that brought them all to their knees: sex.
It happens. It happened before you moved here and will happen after you leave. But do it responsibly and with consideration to your roommates and how thin dorm walls can be. Best to just avoid having sex with room mates in ear shot, or in the room. Sexual harassment as defined by the UA Student code of conduct is any “unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature.”
Do not make the mistake of assuming your roommates will not tell anyone what you’re up to. They do. They’ve definitely told me. Ask Ted Cruz, his old roommate Craig Mazin has told many people.
The destructive power of lust is an ancient fear. Look no further than the legend of Lancelot and Guenivere. These fears manifest in dorms here at UA, ASU and NAU. Our neighbors to the north at BYU go to great lengths to prevent this. But we need not go to such excessive lengths to prevent your dorm from ending like Camelot.
Think before you have sex with someone. Don’t go around immediately telling everyone about your escapade when it happens. It’s exciting for you, no one else. And, most importantly, do not have sex with someone, one of your roommates is currently dating. You would have an easier time explaining why you set the refrigerator on fire than explaining that one.
- You’re adults now, behave like it.
This is probably the most important lesson, not just for cohabitating but for college in general. The days of high-school melodrama are in the past. There is no one who is going to fight your battles for you.
You have to schedule your classes. You have to get to those classes on time. You have to figure out your transportation, how you will pay rent and what to feed yourself.
And at the end of the day, when your roommate is mad at you for who knows what, you are the one who has to talk with them. Do it respectfully and calmly.
College is where you get your first taste of what the real world is going to be like. And sadly, the real world is a lot of talking about annoying things and figuring out solutions to those annoying things. Now is as great a time as ever to get your feet wet with adult conversations.
