Girl: Hey, would you be devastated if I died? Besides the fact that I’d be like dead I mean. . .
???
(After friend talks about how she loves the new British guy she is dating)
Girl: Does he have a castle?
???
Mom: How many people do you think see us and think that you’re my boy toy and not my son?
Son: None.
Mom: So they all think I’m your mother?
Son: Yeah.
Mom: Fuck you.
???
(Girl reading a text message to her friend)
Girl: Oh my god, I’m not even going to respond to him! Wait, what should I say to that?
