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The Daily Wildcat

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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat


    Could the massage parlor replace the bedroom?

    Massages are often underrated but they are actually superior to sex. I know it seems hard to believe, since you don’t often see commercials with scantily clad models eating dripping cheeseburgers while receiving massages, but I guarantee you that if you whip out your massage skills this Valentine’s Day, you will be a hit.

    Massage therapy is the professional kneading and rubbing of the body but it can also be employed in the bedroom for sensual purposes. The pleasure derived from a massage is on par with that of sex, without the consequences that accompany sexual activity.

    Guilt is a complicated feeling and no matter how open you are about your sexual behavior, most people maintain certain feelings of guilt after sexual activity. Our society often portrays sexual activity as a shameful thing, even though hyper-sexualized advertising is prevalent.

    Massages are guilt-free. Whether you’re saving yourself for marriage, practicing abstinence, or trying to keep the number of notches on your bedpost from looking like a woodpecker attacked your bed.

    Advertisers should start to use massage appeal instead of sex appeal in their promotions. It would be a more novel concept, although it would be reminiscent of the sexual services that are often advertised as massages on the back of the Tucson Weekly.

    Sex can get you all worked up, but let’s face it- sometimes it just does not deliver. Massages, however, are intensely relaxing. They are the magical solution to the question: How can I maintain the enjoyable sensation of sex, without all of the dangers and consequences? With massages, there is no need to be sexually responsible. You don’t have to invest in condoms, birth control, dental dams, or any other form of protection (although you should probably make that investment anyway).

    Sex can be a stressful topic for both men and women. It is frequently the cause of performance anxiety, or “”stage-fright.”” Concerns about erectile dysfunction, penis size, landscaping of the pubic region, and fluid exchange do not exist in massages.

    The complicated feelings that often accompany sexual encounters do not often follow a sensual massage. If you give someone a massage, you’re less likely to have the inevitable, awkward talk about what that meant. Do you want to be my boyfriend or girlfriend? Does this mean we should get a dog and move in together? And while a good massage may lead to sex, it might just make you fall into a deep slumber and allow you to wake up without feelings of guilt or a sexual hangover-anxiety of spreading disease or of pregnancy and complicated feelings. A massage means that a good time can be had by all.

    The most common reason that men avoid therapeutic massages is that they fear getting an erection during the session. Arousal is a common physiological response to the body being touched, especially since massages activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is also active during sexual activity. Massages help stimulate blood and oxygen flow throughout the body.

    By nature, massages allow for concentrated stimulation of the body. In the same way that oral sex focuses on the pleasure of one individual at a time (discounting sixty-nine), massages allow for the passive enjoyment of one party while maintaining reciprocity. Massages allow for a de-stressing session for the entire body. The sensory attributes of massage are similar and can have the same relaxing effects as sex, but these feelings are spread throughout the entire body as opposed to being genital-based. Massages increase blood and oxygen flow throughout your entire body instead of focusing on one specific area.

    Sex can be disappointing because there is a lot of performance involved. There is pressure to perform, pressure to maintain arousal, and pressure to have an orgasm, something that more than 50 percent of women admit to faking. While sex can cause anxiety and discomfort, a massage is always nice. No one ever complains about a mediocre sensual massage (except for the one I had in Spain where I almost got frostbite on my toes because the room was freezing). “”His hands were too small to give me a massage,”” or “”The massage didn’t take care of my needs,”” are sentences that you just don’t hear. Unless someone simply lacks general rubbing skills, a massage is never second-rate.

    The therapeutic aspects of human touch are well known in the massage therapy field. It is estimated that this therapeutic technique has no negative side affects because even minor touching can be remedial for the recipient. So while frequent sensual massages won’t earn you another notch on your bedpost, they will satisfy your partner and keep you disease-free.

    Alexandria Kassman is a creative writing and Spanish senior. She can be reached at

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