Super Cool News is a new Daily Wildcat feature that shares the, yes, coolest news happening around town and around the country. Try not to take what its writers have to say too literally.

Many students become overwhelmed by the sudden amount of freedom bestowed upon them during the beautiful time known as freshman year of college. Metaphorically trapped underground their entire lives, they now see this metaphorical sky for the first time.

Students must remember to take full advantage of every college opportunity. These opportunities begin, first and foremost, with a magical entity known as the bursar’s account.

The what, you might ask? Well, only the epitome of college freedom and the first of many chances to spend your parents’ hard-earned cash, of course. This account allows you to spend up to $1,000 per semester at the UA Bookstore; the payment gets automatically charged to your online UAccess account.

The beauty of it? Your parents don’t even have to know what you spent it on.

Laptops

On the first floor of the UA Bookstore, you will find a beautiful area filled with MacBooks and all sorts of other electronic devices. You will find that these are some of the best things to bursar. Oh, your parents just bought you a new laptop before you came to school? So? Who cares? Buy another one, then sell the first one if you can. The golden rule of the account? What your parents don’t know won’t hurt them.

You may hear things like, “you should really only use a bursar’s account to buy textbooks and necessary supplies,” or, “if you buy a new computer with that, I swear I will stop paying for you to go here.”

But come on, if we really should not bursar laptops, then why on earth did the bookstore place the electronics section right next to the textbooks? Honestly, what will most likely intrigue a college freshman? A brand new MacBook Air, or some terrible history textbook more dry than the desert outside?

TVs, gaming consoles and video games

Students in college will soon learn that nobody around here actually studies. So, why not buy a new Xbox and a few games with that glorious $1,000 you now have at your disposal?

Better yet, buy a brand new television. You’ll become the coolest kid in your dorm in no time. Besides, college should also help you make friends, right?

Sunglasses

Like you’ll soon learn, a freshman will amount to nothing without their cool pair of shades as they stroll down the UA Mall. Luckily, the bookstore has you covered with a large selection of Ray-Bans and Oakleys. Your eyes deserve something special, so let your bursar’s account treat them.

Anything else you can imagine

You really never know what you may find at the UA Bookstore on a given day. Just remember, If you like it, buy it. Better yet, bursar it. Hit all the necessities. Buy a new UA T-shirt, sweatshirt, tank top, water bottle, mug, lanyard, polo and shot glass, at the bare minimum. Keep it under budget and you’re golden.

Whatever you do, PLEASE embrace your bursar’s

It saddens the soul to see a student walking out of the bookstore during the first week of school carrying none of these items. And unfortunately, many fail to utilize their account, saying they “don’t need all this extra crap” or they “don’t want to waste their parents’ money.”

Like I said before, UAccess does not lay out every specific purchase made with the bursar’s account, so explaining it to the parents should be super easy.

“I don’t know mom and dad, my textbooks just cost a lot this semester,” Timmy says as he surfs the Internet on his brand new Mac. “Must be my philosophy class. The book is just so big.”

They will start to believe you, then you simply say “bye mom and dad, gotta go study. I mean, I really appreciate you guys buying me these books, wouldn’t want to waste them,” then hang up the phone.

Your parents will be so happy you already began studying that they will forget about your supposedly $700 philosophy textbook.

Do not ever listen to those ranting that you should only use bursar’s for textbooks and school supplies. As students, we have $1,000 of free money on our hands. Let’s make sure not to waste it.

Follow Alec Kuehnle on Twitter.