So you’ve heard about the earthquakes in Chile by now, right?

Yeah, it really rocked my world. Shook me deep, if you know what I mean.

Why’s that?

Well, you know. These things have a way of reverberating in you.

If an earthquake happened right now in Tucson and you had to evacuate, name the three things you would bring with you.

Uh. my comic book collection, water and food. In that order.

You wouldn’t bring the proposed student fees with you?

Oh yeah, I guess you can’t escape those no matter where you go. Maybe I’d bring the tuition increase with me too. Can’t leave that behind.

Do you work on campus?

Yeah, I work at the Health Center.

What do you do there?

I attend and help it be awesome.

So in your opinion, do you think passing these fees will have any impact on your job?

Well, I can’t really make a judgment on that, but I can tell you they’re making me sick. Sick like the Swine Flu. But no, there’s no way it affects me being awesome. I can juggle!

But can you play golf?

No.

So then, how do you feel about Tiger Woods?

Am I supposed to have feelings for Tiger Woods?

You can if you want to.

I think his wife’s a hero for putting up with all that. It takes a tough woman to forgive something like that. I couldn’t.

Are you saying you’re not a tough woman?

I’m whatever I want to be. I could be a space alien or Spiderman if I wanted to be.

What do you think the odds are that Tiger is a space alien? He’s really good at golf and he married a tough Swedish nanny. That’s not normal.

Eh, 50-50 odds. I’d vote between that or a cyborg.

Like the Terminator?

Exactly, only really good at golf and he married a tough Swedish nanny. Otherwise, exactly the same.

— Joe Dusbabek