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The Daily Wildcat

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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    History is all in your mind

    The UA was nothing more than sepia-toned students meeting in Old Main 125 years ago. One building constituted an entire campus that was viewed as a consolation prize for Tucson legislators at the time. Well, those bygone bookworms would weep if they saw what the UA would become in the next 125 years.

    In the year 2135, the Arizona Legislature will deem that, since all public education does is teach students to be individuals and divert from societal norms, the notion of having one institute to represent such a diverse student population is ridiculous.

    With the so-called “”Box Bill”” (sponsored by Sen. Russell Pearce III) the UA ceases to be a physical entity and becomes a metaphysical frame of mind, where everyone can go to college if they want to and can graduate in a timely and cost-effective manner. The Legislature can then balance the budget by selling UA buildings to China and leasing them back over a period of 20 years. To pay for the cost of leasing the buildings, the Legislature will sublease them out to starving artists who, yes, still exist in the future.  

    The Legislature will also consider using the same tactics in order to combat the state’s staggering poverty rates, falling home values and to prove the existence of unicorns.

    Oh, and Arizona State University will still suck at football, but you all already knew that. 

     

    — Luke Money is the assistant news editor of the Daily Wildcat.      

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