We saw microbiology junior Steven Gould in front of Yavapai Residence Hall.

Wildcat: You’re on the spot. What movie featured Johnny Depp playing the role of a pirate?

Gould: “”Pirates of the Caribbean.””

W: Yes. How did you feel answering that?

G: I don’t know. What do you mean?

W: I don’t know. They just always do those things at the end. I’m trying to be Regis.

G: I felt good, I felt strong.

W: What cactus is native to the Saguaro desert?

G: Don’t you mean Sonora desert?

W: Sonora desert, you’re right.

G: Are you talking about the Sonora desert?

W: I was talking about the Sonora cactus.

G: I think you have it the other way around, don’t you?

W: No. You’re wrong. How did you feel answering that?

G: Confused.

W: Third question. What brand of makeup uses the slogan, “”Maybe She’s Born With It?””

G: I have no idea.

W: Like, “”maybe she’s born with it … maybe it’s . . .””

G: Maybelline?

W: Yeah! How did you feel answering that question?

G: Awkward.

W: Fourth question. This one’s a little easier. What’s the parabolic reference point for a rectangular prism?

G: I don’t remember.

W: How did you feel answering that?

G: Like an idiot. Should have known it.

W: What brand of pants did Leonardo DiCaprio wear in “”Total Eclipse?””

G: I have no idea. I don’t keep up with fashion at all.

W: Do you know who his co-star was in “”Total Eclipse?””

G: I’ve never even heard of “”Total Eclipse.””

W: It was a movie in the ’90s about poet Arthur Rimbaud. His co-star was the guy in “”The Island of Doctor … ugh!”” (Grunts the answer.) “”Island of Doctor … ugh!”” Next question: Who was the secretary of state in 1946?

G: No idea. History’s not my forté.

W: What’s your forté?

G: Science.

W: OK. What kind of bicycle has the most statistically high chance of leading a person off a cliff?

G: I’m gonna go with the tricycle.

W: How did you feel answering that question?

G: Indifferent.

W: Last question, science one. What’s a major chemical in phosphorus?

G: Isn’t phosphorus a chemical?

W: Yeah, but have you heard of ulterior chemicals?

G: I have not.

W: They’re chemicals inside chemicals. It’s … ugh!

(Pauses.) OK, how did you feel answering that?

G: Impartial.

– interview by Andi Berlin