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The Daily Wildcat

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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    Party hard, but party proper

    Congratulations on escaping home. Seriously, the freedom to live life how you want is an exciting reality. The future of your academic career is finally in your hands. ­But the truth is, you’ll probably squander your time away, not studying, but partying. The bad news is that freshmen are notoriously judged for being terrible party guests plagued by their rookie mistakes … but the good news is that there are ways to avoid becoming “that kid” each time the weekend rolls around.

    Don’t be a hero

    Yes, taking shots back to back with no chasers makes you a badass, and so does shotgunning a beer in less than three seconds. Winning 10 games of beer pong in a row is downright impressive, and anyone who can do a keg-stand like a champ deserves a round of handshakes. Of course, none of this means a damn thing if you throw up at the party. So when your body tells you to call it quits, listen, because there’s nothing more obnoxious than freshmen who don’t know their limits going too hard. No one wants to take care of you, and no one wants to clean up after you. Spend your first couple months learning your limits — and then stay within them. There’s no sense in dying at a party trying to be cool, because, let’s face it, it’s already damn near impossible to be the coolest one at a party as a freshman anyway.

    Don’t be cheap

    There’s a good chance you won’t have a job, and that’s understandable. You’ll still be at the naive point in your academic career where balancing anything more than school seems too hard. Even so, that doesn’t make it acceptable to show up to a party and drink everything in sight without paying. A standup host might be OK with it, but odds are, if you’re at the UA, you aren’t made of money. Five dollars usually covers your part, but even a few bucks help, and the (literally) poor host will appreciate the gesture.

    Don’t roll 50 deep

    While you’re sure to make dozens of new friends in the dorms and around campus, that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable to bring them with you wherever you go. Four or five friends is all right, but be sure to check with whoever is throwing the party if you plan to bring more. The only exception to the rule seems to be if you have a vagina.

    Congrats ladies, the more girls you have with you, the easier it is to get in and drink for free. Despite the gender inequality, it’s a pain in the ass trying to control that many drunk friends. To stay safe, keep numbers manageable.

    Don’t be obstinate

    In simple terms, do what the big kids say. They’ve been to more parties than you and know when it’s important to shut up or when it’s time to call a cab and go home. Never start fights over someone asking you to do something, as there’s a good chance you’d get your ass whooped by their superior numbers. Regardless, the main reason anyone is asking anything of you is to avoid a visit from the cops. So, unless getting arrested sounds like a great way to cap off the night, just be cooperative instead of difficult.

    Don’t try to screw everything that moves

    Freshmen seem really intent on having sex with whatever they can. Guys and girls are both guilty, and in an effort to stay healthy and in college — babies complicate that — just control yourself. Hitting on members of the opposite sex while wasted is also a skill that takes practice, so start off slow to avoid embarrassment. Promiscuous reputations are a blast and all, but word spreads fast and nicknames like “big slut” and “man whore” die hard. Sex is fun, and so are all the things leading up to it, but not at the expense of having an ex-hookup buddy in every class you take for the next four years. Once again, know your limits, and take a break if someone puts you in a place you can’t bounce back from right away. There’s no rush.

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