Bottled water lacks purity, purpose
Your $3 bottle of water might actually be worse than regular old tap water. According to an Associated Press report, researchers “”detected 38 chemicals including bacteria, caffeine, the pain reliever acetaminophen, fertilizer, solvents, plastic-making chemicals and the radioactive element strontium.”” Sounds pretty pure and tasty, right? Co-author of the study Jane Houlihan said, “”In some cases, it appears bottled water is no less polluted than tap water and, at 1,900 times the cost, consumers should expect better.”” This study sheds light on the ridiculous belief that bottled water is somehow better for you. In fact, Pepsi-Cola bottles its wildly popular Aquafina right here in Tucson using city tap water. Why pay a dollar or two for something you can get for free from the hallway drinking fountain? Stop wasting your money on bottled water and buy a Brita pitcher already. By doing so, you’ll free up some cash and shrink your environmental impact.
– Justin Huggins is a senior majoring in ecology and evolutionary biology.
New Lennon bio brings scandalous revelations
If a new 800-page biography by Beatles biographer Philip Norman can be trusted, John Lennon not only held feelings for Paul McCartney, but also for his own mother. Lennon’s sister, Julia Baird, was incensed at the revelations, saying, “”John is no longer around to defend himself from some of the bizarre, sordid and downright scurrilous rumours that sadly surround his extraordinary life. It makes me so sad, especially in recent weeks, when all manner of accusations have been flying about,”” in an article by U.K. newspaper The Independent. Furthermore, McCartney assured, “”John never tried anything on. I slept with him a million times,”” in another U.K. paper, The Guardian. Even if Lennon did have a slight Oedipus complex, his scathing song “”Mother”” and the bittersweet “”Julia”” would suggest otherwise. Now I just have to read it for a final verdict.
– Matt Wavrin is a media arts senior.
The other stealth Muslim candidate
Conservapedia, which purports to be the conservative version of Wikipedia, has gone into a nosedive of insanity. Check Conservapedia’s page on Sen. Barack Obama if you haven’t done so lately. Conservapedia writers have assembled irrefutable evidence that Obama is a Muslim, but they fail to realize that the sword cuts both ways. Obama pronounces Pakistan in a Muslim way, the same way Sen. John McCain does. He has a Muslim middle name, “”Hussein,”” which means “”descendant of Muhammad”” (Arabic speakers, take note), and a true Christian would change this name; McCain’s last name contains the word “”Cain,”” and a true Christian would know the Biblical story of Cain and change this name. And Obama claims that his father was an atheist, even though less than 1 percent of Kenyans are atheists; likewise, McCain claims that his father and grandfather were admirals, but in fact less than one in a million Americans is an admiral. This proves that McCain is a stealth Muslim, a liar and a fratricidal maniac, in addition to being a brainwashed Vietcong Manchurian candidate. We’re screwed either way!
– Taylor Kessinger is a senior majoring in ecology and evolutionary biology, math and physics.
At least one Palin deserves our respect
Now that Gov. Sarah Palin has been obliterated by the press and countless citizens, it’s time to step back for a moment and focus on something else. For an easy transition, turn to Palin’s 17-year-old daughter, Bristol, who is pregnant with her high school boyfriend’s child. Many Palin haters laugh about this serious circumstance since Palin is so conservative, especially in regard to abortion rights, but no one seems to be giving Bristol any credit for taking responsibility for her actions. As a pro-choice libertarian, I wholeheartedly support a woman’s right to choose, but I respect anyone willing to follow through with an unplanned pregnancy. Bristol’s decision may have been influenced by her family, but she’s the one who accepted the consequences of her deed and started making plans to wed the baby’s father. It may seem silly to applaud someone for having a child, but in a society where abortion is often viewed as a form of birth control, it’s commendable to hear about a pregnant young woman who is actually trying to make the most of her situation.
– Laura Donovan is a creative writing junior.
