A Stern warning

The Story: In an attempt to destroy “”American Idol,”” Howard Stern is supporting who he thinks is the worst performer, Sanjaya Malakar, the much talked-about contestant whom The New York Times described as the “”off-key, lyric-fumbling, elaborately coiffed teenager.”” Howard says that if he wins, the show will become a farce and lose popularity.

The Diss: Nice try, but the powers-that-be (“”American Idol””) far surpass those of Howard Stern. “”American Idol”” has spiraled out of control and regardless of the talent (or lack thereof) people just keep watching. But viewers don’t watch “”American Idol”” to see the up-and-coming talent of America’s youth; they watch it to see Malakar’s new hairstyle. So as valiant as this effort is, the saying holds true, no publicity is bad publicity. Howard, you are strengthening the beast. And “”American Idol”” won’t become a farce – it already is.

– Chelsea Jo Simpson is a sophomore majoring in journalism and spanish.

Jesus for president?

The Story: A student at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago created a sculpture of presidential hopeful Barack Obama in the guise of Jesus. Controversy ensued as the piece went on display Saturday.

The Response: This artist should be ashamed of himself. How dare he depict Jesus as a black man who spent part of his childhood in Indonesia? Everyone knows Jesus was a white guy from Missouri. Furthermore, to suggest that Jesus was anything other than the staunchest of Republicans borders on blasphemy. Jesus clearly opposed troop withdrawal and gay civil unions even though we have no record of him saying so. It’s high time that “”artists”” realize that Jesus is not a suitable subject for their musings. Poor Jesus probably rolls over in his grave every time one of them thinks up a new way to insult his honor.

– Jared Pflum is a religious studies senior.

Judging under the influence

The Story: DUI charges against New Jersey Zamboni operator John Peragallo were dismissed yesterday after a judge ruled that an 8,000-pound Zamboni doesn’t qualify as a motor vehicle.

The Diss: I’m sorry, but the last time I checked, a motor vehicle was a vehicle with, well, a motor. An 8,000-pound Zamboni would seem to qualify. Add to that a wasted driver (Peragallo’s blood alcohol level was 0.12, almost twice the legal limit in New Jersey), a speeding Zamboni and a near brush with stands full of fans, and your average fourth-grader wouldn’t have any trouble securing a DUI conviction. I have few qualms with judicial activism, but judicial incompetence is, apparently, quite another matter.

– Damion LeeNatali is a senior majoring in political science and
history.

Saints as saviors?

The Story: Despite Monday’s Supreme Court ruling, the Environmental Protection Agency still isn’t sure it has the authority to regulate carbon dioxide emissions.

The Diss: Is this a joke? The Bush administration, the people responsible for the Patriot Act, is really insisting that regulating car emissions would be just too much authority? Our nation’s starring role in the expulsion of carbon emissions into the atmosphere is bad enough. Our failure to ratify the Kyoto Protocol is, at best, humiliating. But blaming the EPA’s hesitancy to regulate automobile and other emissions on a fear of excessive governmental authority? That’s just insulting. Bush has the power to make the things he wants to happen happen, like allowing the CIA to engage in extraordinary rendition. It’s just the things he doesn’t want to happen – like regulation of carbon emissions – that apparently nobody has the authority to do.

– Lillie Kilburn is a psychology sophomore.