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The Daily Wildcat

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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    Ten ways to shock visiting parents

    Jim Anderson, affectionately and legally known as God, is a consultant for the local bar The Meet Rack, where AA members get a free drink and birthday guests take shots from the behind of an inflatable pig. A self-proclaimed traveler of the world, God is eager to share his secrets of the party life.
    Jim Anderson, affectionately and legally known as God, is a consultant for the local bar The Meet Rack, where AA members get a free drink and birthday guests take shots from the behind of an inflatable pig. A self-proclaimed traveler of the world, God is eager to share his secrets of the party life.

    Our parents are getting more and more difficult to shock, but this list might take the wind out of their sails. In no particular order, here is a list of a possible normal occurrences for UA students that are guaranteed to catch visiting parents off guard.

    1. Impress your parents by showing them how you’ve discovered your natural ability of sake bombing at Yuki’s Japanese Restaurant, 2962 N. Campbell Ave.

    2. Share with mom and dad your fabulous idea for a bumper sticker – “”UA basketball players – one year in college and then hello NBA!””

    3. Finally prove that it actually takes 30 minutes to get five blocks across Tucson, because – let’s face it – there are no freeways. Overpasses and underpasses that look like freeway ramps do not count.

    4. It’s OK to sport a beach cruiser bike, even if there isn’t a beach to cruise for hundreds of miles. Is California taking over the UA?

    5. The term “”late-nighting”” means eating past midnight after a night of partying in hopes that you won’t remember stuffing your face with a California Burrito at 2 a.m. Why else would Los Betos have a 24-hour drive-thru?

    6. Break it to your parents nicely that “”Dirtbag’s”” is not a place to take dry-cleaning, but a virtually on-campus bar that has racked you up some hefty tabs. This will explain your credit card bill charges.

    7. Sandals are the choice of footwear at UA. It does not matter if you’re doing a presentation in your business class or kickin’ it at the pool: The idea of wearing sneakers is unacceptable.

    8. Take them to The Bashful Bandit, 3686 E. Speedway Blvd. Even though it is crawling with scary biker guys, explain that it is a must on a Tuesday night.

    9. A local dive bar, The Meet Rack, 210 W. Drachman St., is one of Tucson’s best-kept secrets, and maybe it should stay that way. Take your parents there to meet God, the bar’s owner, who changed his name from Jim to God years ago. God will be eager to give your parents a tour of the famous sex room. Don’t worry, according to God, nobody actually has sex in the room.

    10. One thing you have learned from college is that there is a difference between grade point average and blood alcohol content. The higher your BAC, the lower your GPA.

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