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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    U of A students quoted in National Lampoons guide

    U of A students quoted in National Lampoons guide

    Fans of the hit Van Wilder films get ready, because “”The National Lampoon Van Wilder Guide to Graduating College in Eight Years or More”” will hit the stores Tuesday. A fun read, this amusing collection is full of tips and tricks for getting the most out of college and the three B’s: beer, books and babes.

    The book stays true to the Van Wilder we know from the movies: an underachiever looking for ways to put aside the work aspect of college and get the most out of drinking and partying. Included are Van’s transcripts, college application and the “”Ask Van”” newspaper column, all full of sexual innuendos and jokes.

    Written in the style of a reference book, the guide is perfect for students who dislike reading for long periods of time. Simply flip the book open and you will be presented with a reader-friendly, often bullet-pointed format that includes quizzes and pictures. You can look up tips on picking a major, cheating without getting caught or mixing an “”Afghani Whore”” cocktail – whatever you need for any situation.

    Also offered is advice on the practical matters college requires, such as personal finances, grade point averages and finding a job. Van Wilder makes the distinction between scholarships, which are “”like free money,”” and student loans, which are “”like free money with compound interest and monthly payments.””

    Throughout the book, Van throws in little “”Van Wilderisms”” on the side, such as “”Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself”” and “”Early to rise misses the prize because sleeping-in late feels great.”” These make great comebacks if you have preachy friends or parents who need to be taken down a notch.

    The guide also includes quotes from college seniors, many of whom attend the UA. Selected seniors were given a survey on their college habits, and the funniest answers were quoted at the end of chapters.

    Among the questions asked of UA students was: “”After graduation, how do you wish to portray yourself to others, i.e. as an individual or as your degree or job?”” Accounting senior Alana Waters responded: “”After I graduate I want to portray myself to others as a Victoria’s Secret model.””

    Jessica Mills, a communications senior, was asked: “”What’s your attitude about skipping class and when do you decide that it’s OK?”” She replied: “”Skipping class is totally justified when it involves drinking, shopping or tanning.””

    When asked how often she needed to call her parents for money, Stephanie Stearns, a nutritional sciences senior, responded: “”I never needed to call for more money because I had their credit card.””

    “”The National Lampoon Van Wilder Guide to Graduating in Eight Years or More”” is a whimsical book that will lighten up a rainy afternoon with the infamous National Lampoon humor. We can only hope that the UA is not judged solely by the quotes given by the Wildcat seniors who enjoyed college the Van Wilder way.

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