Paris Hilton’s first album, Turn it Up, came out on Tuesday and it’s a decent portrayal of how manipulative a sound studio can be. The “”about”” section of Hilton’s Web site goes into detail about the number of talented mixers and sound-studio technicians who had to work on the songs to make them marketable. The vocals are quite obviously overshadowed by the unnamed backup singer and none of the songs were written by Hilton herself (or we’d all be humming along to a 10-minute interlude consisting of the words “”that’s hot.””) It appears that Hilton simply put her brand name on this album and watched it fly off the shelves. Now that’s hot.

“”Snakes on a Plane”” is finally out in theaters and it made a smash for its opening weekend. I screamed, I cheered and I fended off pessimistic friends who assured me it would be a waste of my $8.50 and of Samuel L. Jackson’s career. I retaliated by having Sammy J. himself call them to demand that they see his new movie (a promotional perk available at http://www.snakesonaplane.com). Overall, the movie is going to be a cult classic because it features snakes on crack, the word “”fuck”” strewn everywhere and of course everyone’s favorite slithering creature, besides Samuel L. Jackson.

“”It’sno big deal – she turns 18 next month,”” said 25-year-old Benji Madden of the band Good Charlotte when asked about his 17-year-old girlfriend. It seems that the only groupies he can score on the road come with the possibility of statutory rape charges. It’s all in a day’s work when your only famous song croons about the lifestyle you currently enjoy. Who brought the Cristal?
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“”Laguna Beach”” (the supposedly “”real”” Orange County) is back for its third season on MTV, this time toting younger protǸgǸs of the original cast. Watch as everyone talks about how much drama there is in high school and how it is, like, so unavoidable and, like, ohmygawd, did you see what she wore to my barbecue? Like, I don’t know why she came, even though I, like, invited her, but, like, I didn’t expect her to come, and like, what did she expect me to do except sit at the poolside glaring at her until she left? Like, totally don’t miss this season, because like totally everyone is hooking up with everyone, and it’s just so much drama I could almost puke up my lunch.

Juliana Hatfield’s girl group Some Girls released a second album, Crushing Love, in July. Sure, you’re going to visit their Myspace at http://www.myspace.com/somegirlsband, but the entire CD will blow you away if you just ask daddy for an extra $14 for “”school supplies.””

“”Promiscuities: The Secret Struggle for Womanhood”” by Naomi Wolf will shatter your views on women in the 21st century. Including biographical stories, shared secrets from friends and history about the everchanging views on femininity and womanhood in various societies, this book blows the lid off the kettle that women have been heating in American society for more than half a century. This is a revolutionary book along the lines of Eve Ensler’s “”Vagina Monologues.””