If Valentine’s Day is the party of the dating scene, the rest of February is the hangover. All of the romance and excitement comes to a head on Feb. 14, only to dissipate in a morass of unimaginative post-Valentine’s dates and depleted bank accounts. Statistically speaking, most dates in the second half of February suck.

But I can help you. That’s why the Arizona Daily Wildcat hired me, really. You know the scene in “”Pulp Fiction”” in which The Wolf shows up and fixes everything? That’s me right now. I’ve got three dates guaranteed to make your relationship hotter than a Bar Refaeli photo shoot.

The Escape

Leisure date for the hopeless romantic: Relatively gentle

Supplies: Firewood, lighter fluid, matches, a metal spatula with a long handle

Cost: $25

Picnics are clutch dates. They are ineffably charming; however, they’re becoming all too popular. Dates should never feel too conventional, so here’s a new twist on the old favorite.

For this picnic, you’re going to want to do some culinary preparation, and you’ll need access to a fire for reheating food. For this date, I recommend making brick-oven pizza — it’s easy, tasty and makes you look like a cooking god. Start with Trader Joe’s pizza dough. At $2 for a package of pre-made dough, it’s cheap and delicious. The store also has a great selection of fresh ingredients and more cheese than France. Make a pizza with your date, and cook it to about 90 percent completion. Cut the pizza into slices before leaving.

Then you should visit the Yetman Trail. To get there, head west on Speedway Boulevard until you hit Camino de Oeste. Follow Camino de Oeste south as it turns into a dirt road and eventually dead ends at the trailhead. Take the trail for about a mile, and you’ll see a giant old stone house. That’s your pizzeria.

There are two fireplaces for you to strike up a roaring hearth and reheat your dinner, with nobody for miles. The house does not have a roof, so if you have a blanket, you and your date can gaze up into the night sky — or at each other, which is usually more fun.

The Don Juan

Fast-paced date for the culturally inclined: Potentially embarrassing, requires some rhythm

Supplies: CD of tango songs

Cost: $15-$30

Your dates should always be on the cutting edge of cultural sensations. Worldliness is sexiness. You can only go out for sushi so many times before you start to appear helpless. I suggest tapas.

Tapas are appetizer dishes from Spain. They can be eaten as hors d’œuvres or combined to constitute a full meal. Tucson’s own Casa Vicente has such an incredible selection of tapas that there is no reason to order anything else. Located at South Stone Avenue and 14th Street, their Spanish chorizo and mushrooms with salt pork are muy delicioso.

Plan your date for a Wednesday night so you can take part in Casa Vicente’s free Argentine tango lessons at 7:15. Don’t worry about how much better than you most of the regulars are at dancing. Instead, take note of the way your date’s body feels against you, and then suggest that you two go someplace a little more private.

Drive north on Campbell Avenue into the Catalina Foothills until you can see the entire the city lit-up, then pull over. Play your mixtape of tango songs you pirated earlier that day, and show off your moves with Tucson at your feet.

The Urban Gem

Gritty, rough date for the thrill-seeker: Not for the faint of heart or claustrophobic

Supplies: Flashlight

Cost: $15

Fact: Danger is sexy. It’s a great aphrodisiac. But, what exactly is too dangerous for a date? Petting untamed jaguars is probably too dangerous. Urban spelunking, however, is just right.

When it rains on campus, that water has to drain somewhere. On this date, you’re going to explore that drain: High School Wash, the storm runoff just south of Sixth Street. Between Euclid Avenue and Third Avenue, the drain runs underneath Tucson High School. Park your car on the east side of Tucson High, take your date’s hand and head into an urban time capsule. Just don’t touch the walls. Seriously.

After you’ve worked up a hearty appetite from your danger trek, you’ll need sweet, sweet protein. If you’ve never eaten at a local carniceria, you are missing out on the best part of the Gadsden Purchase. On a Saturday afternoon, you can find grills fired up in front of almost any carniceria, grease flares bursting around succulent meats. Walk inside, buy some fresh carne asada, wait in line and have the masters of the meat prepare your lunch. I recommend Mercado Y Carniceria El Herradero on East 22nd Street and South Columbus Boulevard. Save some for later, just in case this date results in any other exercise.