Pixar presents new movies

“Cars 2” aside, if you’re not a fan of Pixar Animation Studios by now, I don’t know what to do with you. Let me know how “Austin Powers 4” is.

As for the rest of us, the time has come to rejoice, for our demiurge Pixar has finally announced its next two projects.

No, I don’t mean “Brave,” the fairy tale Pixar’s dropping in 2012. I also don’t mean “Monsters University,” the long-awaited (I think?) sequel to “Monsters, Inc.” I’m talking about the future-future: At this year’s D23 Expo (i.e., Comic-Con for Disney fans), Pixar officially announced its next two films AFTER “Brave” and “Monsters,” provisionally titled “The Untitled Pixar Movie About Dinosaurs” and “The Untitled Pixar Movie That Takes You Inside The Mind.” No joke.

The two untitled projects are respectively slated for holiday 2013 and summer 2014, and will be directed by Bob Peterson (co-director of “Up,” writer of “Finding Nemo”) and Pete Docter (writer of “Toy Story,” “Toy Story 2,” “Monsters, Inc.,” “WALL-E,” and “Up” ).

Both are original properties, meaning Pixar will once again be there to save us from whatever drivel the studios are planning to dump on us (and If you’re excited for “Austin Powers 4,” please read the second sentence of this again).

Here’s Pixar’s official loglines:

“The Untitled Pixar Movie About Dinosaurs”: “What if the cataclysmic asteroid that forever changed life on Earth actually missed the planet completely, and giant dinosaurs never became extinct? This hilarious, heartfelt and original tale is directed by Bob Peterson (co-director and writer, ‘Up;’ writer, ‘Finding Nemo’) and produced by John Walker (‘The Incredibles,’ ‘The Iron Giant’).”

“The Untitled Pixar Movie That Takes You Inside The Mind”: “Pixar takes audiences on incredible journeys to extraordinary worlds: From the darkest depths of the ocean to the top of the Tepui Mountains in South America; from the fictional metropolis of Monstropolis to a futuristic fantasy of outer space. From director Pete Docter (‘Up,’ ‘Monsters, Inc.’) and producer Jonas Rivera (‘Up’), this inventive new film will take you to a place that everyone knows, but no one has ever seen: The world inside the human mind.”

It turns out Hollywood isn’t doomed after all.

Taylor Lautner rumored for movie … and in other news, everything sucks

It appears a sequel to 2010’s Sylvester Stallone-directed “The Expendables” is a go, though so far the only official information we have about the film is that most of the cast (minus Jet Li) will be reprising their roles from the original, Simon West (‘Con Air,’ ‘Lara Croft: Tomb Raider’) is slated to direct and the screenplay was co-written by the guy who penned “Muppets from Space.” (Not kidding, look it up.)

But this week, the New York Post (and everyone else, for that matter) is reporting that the producers have compiled a “wish-list” of names to pursue for the sequel, ranging from obvious choices like Jean-Claude Van Damme, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nicolas Cage and Chuck Norris, to less obvious ones, like Taylor Lautner.

The good news is that, for now, the rumor is just that. While no official offer has been extended to Lautner as of yet, it’s projected that Lionsgate may be looking to capitalize on the young actor’s foray into action with September’s “Abduction,” which is all but guaranteed to decisively suck.

“Expendables 2” starts shooting later this year. The official synopsis (via financier Nu Image) is as follows:

“The Expendables are back and this time it’s personal! After Tool (Mickey Rourke), the heart and soul of the Expendables, is brutally murdered on a mission, his comrades swear to avenge him. They’re not the only ones who want blood. Tool’s beautiful young and wild daughter Fiona embarks on her own revenge mission, complicating matters when she is captured and ransomed by a ruthless dictator plotting to destroy a resistance movement. Now Barney and the Expendables must risk everything to save her and humanity.”

So what role do you see Lautner playing in this? A new member of the Expendables? The “ruthless” dictator? Mickey Rourke’s daughter? Guess we’ll find out in a year; “Expendables 2” hits theaters in August 2012.